My fragmented journey in Vilnius is over. I’m writing this on my flight back to Berlin. I decided to stay the last month of this 6 months AEP program there and make a sound installation. I am carrying a lot to unpack and think about. I met some amazing people and enjoyed showing my work. I woke up everyday before 8am without a clock which sounds impossible for a night owl that I am and I couldn’t make myself sleep early because I had too many ideas and too much excitement. I made a little sidewalk path in my sound installation practice that doesn’t require me to build the space fully which makes me be able to attend group shows easier. This tasty experience was to show me how the feedback I received from my last show found themselves in this work. This for me is one of the most precious experiences of making art, that the growth happens casually in the creation process and evolves through little transformations that make the delicious improvement of the next work. I felt powerful. I felt like a king looking over a secret kingdom made of sound, lights, vibration, things, movements, objects and electronics. 

Here is a sneak pic of my sound installation.

At the moment I have a lot of hard feelings towards the art institution and again that I had to struggle for them to believe that the speakers, the subwoofer and every cable is a character in my work so I wouldn’t wake up finding them disappeared, borrowed for a conference upstairs and ruined some of the lights and instruments! Their call for differences, creativity, new perspectives and offer of artistic freedom is mostly empty words babbling on the wave of the trends. At the end they want us to be the most obedient, clean, fast, efficient, compliant, and always grateful hardworking with big smiles, promoting their institution as the best opportunity we could ever wish for and a chance that would shift our career! In reality, it was more of a false call, fake invitations and a colorful gift wrapped rotting food. I once again suffered from unfairness, empty words and lies. I appreciate the patience of others and I wish I could care less. Does attending art institutions help me make mussels for this? 

It’s extremely joyful to pursue what I like and complete my ephemeral sound installations everytime. I think I‘m addicted to the adrenaline, the stress, the excitement, the pressure, the thrill, the chaos, and the mental, physical torment of having an opening, even to the uninstalling and the melancholy of killing my creation everytime even if I know I’ll make the next one better.

This experience was to remind me again how much I learn through making and how happy I am when the ignite of new ideas in my brain can glitter over my days. I need art deadlines to stay alive.

I’m over the clouds literally and emotionally.  I only wanna make art.